Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Memories :)

My niece was born today! I haven't seen her yet, but will very soon. Visiting my sister in the hospital we delivered in brought back so many incredible memories! No joke, she delivered in the very same ROOM that I did!

It was so fun & exciting to be in L&D, watch her progress, etc. I wish I could have stayed there all day! I remembered everything, how the contractions felt, how the epidural felt (Ah-maz-ing), the whole experience was just incredible. Of course it makes me want to do it again- this just after being on the floor, let alone holding a newborn! Can you imagine how I'll feel after that? We won't have another baby right away, we plan to wait a few years.

What a great day! Can't wait to hold my newest niece tonight!!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Mom 2.0

Today was a great day, we heard from our babysitter- we can go back to her next week! That means only three more days at the daycare center! The daycare center is fine, it's a good place. But we're just spoiled with our wonderful babysitter.

He slept for less than hour all day at daycare today. 15 minute nap this morning and a 40 minute nap this afternoon. He was so tired when I picked him, he slept basically all evening (unless he was eating). I am so relieved that he won't be there for more than a week. Although I am so grateful that they let us enroll him on a week by week basis! I cried the whole way to work this morning, the fear of leaving him with strangers in a room full of babies. I was afraid he would get lost in the shuffle and forgotten about, or sit in a dirty diaper too long, or not be able to sleep (turned out to be reality), or that he wouldn't get enough attention and affection. While I'm sure none of that is true, I couldn't help be feel scared and anxious all day. He's the most precious person in my whole life, how could I leave him in the care of strangers? My husband reminded me that our babysitter was a stranger at first- which is true. But if I can't stay home with him, she is the next best thing. She's like Mom 2.0 :)

Friday, August 26, 2011

Missing my boy.

Being a working mom is hard. I have good days and bad days, and today I am really missing my boy. I know he is in great hands, I just wish we were in mine.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Another day Another dollar.

Oh the excitement of being a working parent! On Sunday I got a call from our babysitter, she had an accident and injured herself and needs to take the week off. First, let me just say she is okay- just a "minor" injury- and I am so glad she is okay! We love her, and our son adores her! This wasn't actually that difficult to deal with- Monday morning my husband and I tag-teamed it. I went to work in the morning, then came home at noon to relieve him- then he went into work in the afternoon. Today a friend is babysitting the little guy. Luckily, I have a job that allows me to work from home on occassion, and a flexible & understanding manager!

Anyway, being home midday was awesome and a slap in the face. I SO wish that we had the financial freedom for me to stay home more. I know this is the age-old debate... And let me tell you, the grass is always greener. My ideal solution would be to work part time. A few days in the office to be an adult, a few days at home to be mommy/ Suzy homemaker. The best of both worlds! Well, until hubby's profession creates jobs with decent benefits, and a major salary hike (when pigs fly), I will remain a full-timer. Sigh.

I try to stay positive and think about all the great benefits of working... Besides, you know, benefits. Here's what I came up with:

1. Since I don't see my boy all day every day I really cherish our time together.
2. We have more $$ for convenience things. (But if I were home we wouldn't necessarily need such convenience items.)
3. An excuse to buy clothes/shoes for myself. (This is actually important- for momma's self image!)
4. I have a great excuse for skipping social functions, volunteer requests, etc. (Sorry I can't do XYZ, I work full time.)
5. Umm... That's it but what list ends after 4?

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I'm back.

I'm not sure if anyone even reads this anymore- I didn't have all that many readers to begin with! Anyway, I am now a working mom with an eight month old son! How the hell did that happen? One minute I'm peeing on a stick next thing I know I'm thinking about a first birthday party. In a heartbeat!!

Life as a working mom is tough. Hell, life as a mom is tough! As much as I would love to sit here and say life is great - I'm a rockstar at work and June Cleaver at home... It would be a lie. I'm struggling. A lot. It's hard to focus sometimes at work because I wish I could be home with my boy. My relationship with my husband has suffered, in part because he doesn't understand what I am going through, and partly because I simply don't have the time or the energy to be a good wife. My poor husband has no idea how exhausting (yet rewarding) nursing my son is. I spend a good portion of my day at work in the mothers room- which makes me even busier when I am back at my desk!

I guess what I am saying is that this blog might take a turn- from work-is-my-first-priority to MIA, and now to working mamma. I truly don't know if anyone will read this, but I feel like I need an outlet. And you can only be Debbie downer in your circle of friends for so long. So, I'll keep track of my thoughts, worries, struggles, and hopefully successes here.

Today I am having feelings of inadequacy - feeling like I'm not good at anything. I'm tired of not feeling like myself. Last night I went out to dinner with some friends- some of whom are just thriving as mothers and wives, who are just perfectly suited in that role. I sat there and had fun but also found myself feeling jealous. Jealous that I wasn't happy as can be with the worlds most supportive & understanding husband, loving life. Instead I crawl up in a ball in the guest bedroom and cry.