Lucky.

I feel like most of my posts are really negative. Partly because I'm a full time working mom with a mild case of PPD. But I am so very lucky. I can't believe how incredibly blessed I am to have such a wonderful, perfectly healthy, beautiful, sweet baby boy. I also have a kind, loving, hilarious husband, and super cute puggle whose kind of a PITA- she's lucky she's so cute! We have a roof over our heads and food on the table (well, usually- assuming we go grocery shopping)!

So even though I sometimes (mostly) sound like a Debbie Downer, I promise I am usually a positive person. Sometimes I sit and watch my son sleep. He is so peaceful and cozy, listening to the sounds of his breathing I so comforting. He just sounds comfortable :) I never understood how much I could possibly love another human being! As I stand over him while he sleeps, watching his chest rise and fall with each breathe, it's like my whole heart is laying there in that crib. I tell him how much I love him every night, that I love him more than all the star in heaven, I love him to the moon and back, that I love him more than anything. I feel like the word love doesn't even do my feeling justice.

I like my job, I do. It's more than just a job, it's a career. But there are days I hate it. There are days I hate that it takes me away from my boy every day. There are days I hate being stressed and busy and responsible for other people. Sometimes I wish I was a secretary or something easy. Logically, I know myself. I know I wouldn't be happy in a job that didn't challenge me, make me think, make me work hard, etc. Sometimes it all just seems like too much. How can I be expected to maintain this extremely high workload and be a mom & a wife? Forget about being a daughter, sister, and friend. There's just not enough time!

Pre-baby I loved fitness. I enjoyed working out, going for a run, eating healthy, etc. Now I don't exercise. At all. Well, I did manage a short triathlon around 6 months post partum, but that's it. No exercise since. I am breastfeeding, so I've lost all the weight but I'm not toned and muscular anymore- i'm like flab on flab! Haha. I know I need to get back into a routine of working out- it's just hard. Especially after you've been out of the habit for so long.

Just add it to the list of things I need to "make time for." Ugh.

I puffy heart Friday night.

Nothing like knowing you get to sleep in the next day :) one big upside to being crazy busy at work is that the week flies by. I feel like it was Monday, I blinked, and now it's Friday. Nice! :)

This week was a good week. I started going into work an hour early, which has really helped. I know get in at 6am, and most people don't start coming in till 8. So that's 2 uninterupeted hours of work- priceless! I have also been trying hard to do at least one chore at home each night. I did it more nights than I didn't, so I consider that a success. Being super busy at work also helped me feel better about being away from my son all day. Like, if I have to be away from him, at least I am doing important things and being productive, etc.

I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open... Goodnight!