Saturday, August 13, 2011

I'm back.

I'm not sure if anyone even reads this anymore- I didn't have all that many readers to begin with! Anyway, I am now a working mom with an eight month old son! How the hell did that happen? One minute I'm peeing on a stick next thing I know I'm thinking about a first birthday party. In a heartbeat!!

Life as a working mom is tough. Hell, life as a mom is tough! As much as I would love to sit here and say life is great - I'm a rockstar at work and June Cleaver at home... It would be a lie. I'm struggling. A lot. It's hard to focus sometimes at work because I wish I could be home with my boy. My relationship with my husband has suffered, in part because he doesn't understand what I am going through, and partly because I simply don't have the time or the energy to be a good wife. My poor husband has no idea how exhausting (yet rewarding) nursing my son is. I spend a good portion of my day at work in the mothers room- which makes me even busier when I am back at my desk!

I guess what I am saying is that this blog might take a turn- from work-is-my-first-priority to MIA, and now to working mamma. I truly don't know if anyone will read this, but I feel like I need an outlet. And you can only be Debbie downer in your circle of friends for so long. So, I'll keep track of my thoughts, worries, struggles, and hopefully successes here.

Today I am having feelings of inadequacy - feeling like I'm not good at anything. I'm tired of not feeling like myself. Last night I went out to dinner with some friends- some of whom are just thriving as mothers and wives, who are just perfectly suited in that role. I sat there and had fun but also found myself feeling jealous. Jealous that I wasn't happy as can be with the worlds most supportive & understanding husband, loving life. Instead I crawl up in a ball in the guest bedroom and cry.

No comments:

Post a Comment